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More Orgies, More Babies: A Modest Proposal

While the Orthodox community continues to grow apace, and its women have an annoyingly high total fertility rate, the non-Orthodox Jewish community seems to dwindle away with every new generation. Short of massive proselytizing and conversion efforts, what can we do to reverse Jewish population decline and avoid the fate of becoming a nation of stagnation?

Luckily, help is on the way: the popular birthright israel program has had success in bringing young, horny, undersexed, North American Jews of prime childbearing age to Israel for the first time. But, while hook-ups are common on the free 10-day trip, its true potential remains untapped: not enough is being done to encourage unprotected sexual encounters. For shame! With a small investment in intentionally defective condoms and some authoritative sounding, scripturally grounded bad advice, there could soon be a bumper crop of “birthright babies.”

The solution to the Jewish population crisis should be immediately obvious to anyone with no more than a seventh grade education: to save the Jewish people, we need more babies. To maximize baby production, we need an orgy. It’s utterly simple, with but a few insignificant and nearly insurmountable difficulties.

И так далее :-)

Date: 2007-10-02 10:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] shaulreznik.livejournal.com
В параллельном окне у меня была открыта эта статья:
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/02/health/02sex.html

Date: 2007-10-03 01:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] antidos.livejournal.com
Ну просто пестня :)

Date: 2007-10-03 01:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bringing-peace.livejournal.com
Чем дальше, тем лутше!

Date: 2007-10-03 11:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] onionsoupmix.livejournal.com
This is one shlichus event that you wouldn't have to nag people about :)

Date: 2007-10-03 12:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] anna-i.livejournal.com
Ах. Йоська как раз писал сочинение на тему как бороться с уменьшением еврейского населения в Америке. Пошлю-ка я ему эту статейку, может ещё успеет использовать.

Date: 2007-10-03 12:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dlevey.livejournal.com
"Dwindling away" is an interesting term to use - it depends upon your point of view. Non-Orthodox communities seem to be reporting moderate growth, though if you don't accept the products of intermarriage and non-Orthodox conversion then the numbers of Jews within those communities would seem to be declining a bit.

Either way, this sort of a program could have radically changed my younger life. While "for the better" or not is not really knowable at this point, I certainly would have enjoyed it a whole lot more...

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Yisroel Markov

January 2026

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